Self-verification theory
We seek feedback that confirms our existing self-view, even when it's negative.
What it means
A theory proposing that people are motivated to be seen by others as they see themselves, in order to preserve a stable, predictable sense of identity. This drive can compete with self-enhancement: those with negative self-views may actively prefer and seek out unfavorable feedback that confirms who they believe they are, rather than flattering feedback that feels alien. People pursue verification by choosing partners and settings that affirm their self-concept and by interpreting ambiguous feedback to fit it. The need for coherence and control over one's social world is thought to underlie the effect. It illuminates why people stay in relationships that confirm a low self-image and why disconfirming praise can feel destabilizing.
Examples
A person with low self-esteem feels uneasy with lavish praise and gravitates toward partners who see their flaws as they do.
A worker who believes he is disorganised skims the glowing lines of his review and rereads the single criticism twice — that sentence is the one that matches who he already is.
Told by a new coach that he is a natural, a player who has always seen himself as a plodder quietly stops turning up; the praise does not fit the self he knows.
First described in William Swann (1983).