Illusion of asymmetric insight
We think we know others better than they know us — and better than they know themselves.
What it means
People believe their knowledge of others surpasses others' knowledge of them, and that they understand individuals and groups better than those parties understand themselves. The asymmetry rests on a mismatch of evidence: we judge others mainly by their observable behavior, which feels richly diagnostic, while granting ourselves privileged access to a private inner life we assume others cannot read. Each party therefore feels they see through the other while remaining opaque themselves. At the group level, rivals each believe they grasp the opponent's true motives better than the opponent does. The illusion deepens intergroup conflict and frustrates negotiation, since neither side feels genuinely understood.
Examples
Two opposing partisans each feel they see the 'real' agenda behind the other camp, while insisting the other side fails to understand them.
A manager is certain she can read what her quiet colleague really thinks, while assuming her own polite feedback face gives nothing away. He is reading her exactly the same way.
Teenagers insist their parents have no idea who they really are, while claiming to see straight through their parents' motives. The parents say precisely the same thing about them.
First described in Pronin, Kruger, Savitsky & Ross (2001).